really funny movie quotesWhat are some really funny movie quotes?

I need some of the funniest/memorable movie quotes of all time for our long AV儿劣 car rides! Please, Anything, from anchorman to Funny People, just the best. :D
"My plan was to kiss her with every lip on my face" - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid - 1982

"I've got ears. --I'll remember that" - Bodyguard, The - 1992

"The luckiest man in the world is he who finds true love" - Dracula - 1992

"We're just here to listen" - Traffic - 2000

"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Well, who the hell else are you talkin' to? You talkin' to me? Well, I'm the only one here. Who the f and 17 votes; and your answer receives EXACTLY 15 of 17 votes. Your answer isn't that much better than the others. No, it is your DISHONEST SCHEME. You have 15+ AUTOMATIC votes! The same 15+ votes that account for 90%+ of your "Best Answers." Yahoo! Answers should stop you!
RetroRay

cool question :D

From Rush Hour, for those who havnt seen this movie Det. Carter (DC) tries to explain his actions to his captain (C) with regards to the disastrous previous nights bust. However the Captain has other plans for him having just signed him up for a bogus mission with the FBI.

DC- Captain, I know you read the paper, but they lying. I wouldn't do anything like that. They just want a story.

C- Two officers were shot. One man lost a pinkie!!!!!

DC- -But nobody died.

C- You destroyed half a block!!!!!

DC -That block was already messed up.

C -You lost lots of evidence!!!!!

DC- We got a little left.

C- What you did was dangerous and completely against policy! And not only that........you did a good job.

DC-..................What?

C- Everyone around here is so image-conscious. So afraid of their own
goddamn shadow.It's nice to meet a detective who's willing to lay it on the line.

DC- Captain!!!!! that's the same way I feel.

C- Every so often, we have to let the general public know that we can still blow sh*t up.

DC -That's the only way I work. So that mean I ain't getting suspended?

C -Are you kidding?!

DC -Don't know why I said that, why i say that.....

C- I just got a call from the FBl. The -year-old daughter
of a Chinese diplomat was kidnapped this morning, and they want you on the case.

DC- FBI want me?

C -That's right.

DC- Stop lying.

C- I don't lie.

DC- Tell the truth.

C- I'm telling the truth.

DC- Thank you, Captain!!!!!!

C- Congratulations, Carter. You are going to the show.

DC- I'Il look out for you, when I reach the top im gonna make you mayor.

C -I'd rather you didn't.


Anchorman you say lol

The weatherman Brick Tamland introduces himself while generously spooning mayonaise into a toaster.

HI, I'm Brick Tamland. People seem to like me because I am polite and I'm rarely late. I like to eat ice cream, and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks. Years later, a doctor will tell me that I have an IQ of 48 and am what some people call "mentally retarded."


edit* ok one more cos Raji from 'Be Cool' is the man lol

In a restaurant, flambouyant, wanna-be black music producer Raji (R) confronts the hitman Joe Loop (JL) after Joe kills the wrong guy.

JL- I gotta tell you the truth I never seen a hit like this before. I mean, you actually gotta get in line to whack this guy.

R- How many men have you whacked, Joe?

JL- Why, you wanna be nextreally funny movie quotes?

R- I'm asking you because you hit the wrong guy!!!!!

JL- They serve one hell of a stuffed cabbage here, you know that? The thing that you wanna remember though is don't eat it too late because it tends to stay with you.

R- Yeah. I'll definitely keep that in mind..... Where we at, Joe?

JL- We ain't nowhere. I now gotta go find the right guy. The thing is it'll cost you another five grand.

R- What are you talkin' about? Man, I already paid you. You're the one who did the wrong guy.

JL- Well, whose fault is that?

R- It's your fault.

JL- Tough sh*t. That's the cost of doing business. Look, you tell Nicky that there's now a new contract, and I need another five grand.

R- I can talk the deal with you, 'cause it's my contract, all right? That's why I'm here with you.

JL- You can't talk sh*t. You're Nicky's girl.

R- Me and Nick are partners! We discuss all facets of the business togetether. Be it music, be it underworld..... girls.

JL- Let me ask you a question.... Nice get-up you got on(Joe comments on Raji's all red outfit)......How come he calls you his b*tch?

R-..............What?!!!!

JL- His b*tch. Why does he call you his b*tch?

R- What, mother........?!!!!

JL- Did I stutter?

R- What if I called you
a fat, stupid guinea bee-yatch..............BEE-YATCH!!

JL- (Joe camly wipes his mouth with a napkin) ....................I'd take this baseball bat that I got
out in the back of my Cadillac, and I'd swat you across the mouth with it.

R- I said WHAT if I called you that. Hypothetically, just a scenario. I wasn't actually saying it to you. I'm always lookin' out. I gotta operate. I wanna make sure I got the right guy. Now I need the right guy to get the right guy.

JL- Now I want the five grand up front. Tonight at the Mayan.

R- What? The what?

JL- Take the wax outta your goddamn ears. The Mayan, downtown.

R- I never happen to have heard of the Mayan thats all so I was making sure I knew where it was.

JL- You mean there's something you haven't heard of?

R- Okay, man.

JL- All right, take off.

R- Are we cool???.....Come on, man......J. Leazy! What's up? My man!

(Raji holds out his hand Joe ignores him)

R - All right. I feel that.

JL- Take off.

R- Mad respect for not giving respect. I feel you.

JL- Let me tell you something. Don't do that "J. Leazy" sh*t anymore.

R- That's what your name is.

JL- I don't like it. Don't do it.

R- I'll see you at the Mayan club, my man. Mad respect to you, Loop. Stone-face killer.

JL- Next time try to find
something red to wear.
beware of the drawf - from foul play, your gonna look funny eating corn on the cob with no f --------- teeth - from the blues brothers, hey porky, the boys from angel beach are here - from porkys, and if any of you homos touch me, i'll kill you - from stripes - can any of you guess what i am now? a zit,get it, from national lampoons animal house -
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

Lois: How would you like me to make your life a living hell?
Ace Ventura: Well, I'm not really ready for a relationship, Lois, but thank you for asking. Hey, maybe I'll give you a call sometime. Your number's still 911? All righty then.


Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

As long as people are still having premarital sex with many anonymous partners while at the same time experireally funny movie quotesmenting with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence free environment, I'll be sound as a pound!
"Name's Barf. I'm a Mog, half man half dog. I'm my own best friend."
~Spaceballs

Maxwell Smart: [while being held at gunpoint] You have underestimated me and the element of SUPRAH! [throws phone, but is hooked to a cord]
~new get smart

"Sour Kangaroo: I want that clover devoured.
Vulture hitman: I will devour clover. Then I regurgatate it. Then I devour it second time. So two times devoured."
~horton hears a who

Gina Morrison: That's my husband. He was a captain with the Navy.
Dave: I am a captain.
Gina Morrison: Really? A captain of what?
[Inside the ship, Number 3 looks something up.]
Dave: I am a captain of crunch.
~meet dave

You know, we've known each other way back since, like... yesterday, I think it was.
Chicken Joe from surfs up

King of Swamp Castle: You only killed the bride's father, you know.
Sir Lancelot: Well, I didn't mean to.
King of Swamp Castle: Didn't mean to? You put your sword right through his head.
Sir Lancelot: Oh dear... is he all right?
~monty python and the holy grail

Glue... very powerful stuff.
~The Blues Brothers

"You are the dumbest smart person i have ever met!"
~Det. Sponer- irobot

Ned Gold: What are you eating?
Mike O'Donnell: I don't even know. I'm just hungry [squirts cheese in his mouth] all the time
~17 again

Emily: You like sugar, huh?
Buddy: Is there sugar in syrup?
Emily: Yes.
Buddy: Then YES!
~Elf

Everyone: AHHHH!
Trevor: WE'RE STILL FALLING!
Everyone: AHHHH!
~new journey to the center of the earth

Paul Blart: [talking to himself] What are you trained to do? Nothing.
~mall cop

[Carl Allen pulls up in a parking lot and opens the door. Cans of Red Bull pour out.]
Carl Allen: [speaking fast] WOoooo. I've never had a Red Bull before, but I had a Red Bull last night. I really like Red Bull.
Renee Allison: Yeah, you seem a little hyper.
Carl Allen: Hey! After we chat we should get a red bull!
Renee Allison: OK, that'd be really fu....
Carl Allen: Red Bull!
Renee Allison: That sounds...
Carl Allen: Red Bull!
Renee Allison: I think I'd really...
Carl Allen: Redda Bulla!
~yes man
From Tropic Thunder.
Mother nature just pissed a pant suit!
I will masacre you, I will F You up!
Okay flaming dragon, F face, Take a step back and literally F your own face!!!!
Sorry i dont know how old you are so. I would suggest not saying that if your young ^^
Ned Gold: "I would like to enroll my son."
Mike O'Donnell: "Sup."
~17 Again

Julie: (reading scavenger hunt list) Steve's boxers?"
~Sleepover
Jack Nicholson - As Good As It Gets

"Go sell crazy somewhere else, whe're all stocked up here"
In Men in Black, the coroner says,"I hate the living."

Cracks me up just to think of it.